Transparent people…are you out there?

transparency |tranˈsparənsē| noun (pl. transparencies) 1 the condition of being transparent: able to see through, open and honest.

recently i had a conversation with a friend

She was sharing about how she was with a group of friends and for just a moment, decided to be transparent. She opened up and admitted a way that she was less than perfect. She admitted that she wasn’t even trying to reach the standard set for her. She had decided to be transparent because she thought she was among friends and wanted to be real, and honest, and open.

she was shot down

Within just a moment the people with her said, “what do you mean you’re not even trying to reach the standard set for you? That’s the standard.”

Well, guess what that situation proved to her? It proved that she would mostly likely NOT be putting herself in a position where she would be trying to be transparent again.

For many years through high school and college, I used to say this phrase that I’d heard one of my pastor’s say. The phrase was that the inmost human desire was to be both fully loved and fully known. He described this as true intimacy. I loved it. I wanted it. And yet, I thought I could never achieve it, because intimacy required transparency. And just like my friend above, I knew that transparency usually got you rejected.

So, I asked myself this question, “is it better to live a lie that keeps you in good graces or to be transparent and rejected?”

this is a hard question

But the more I thought about this hard question, I realized in my own circumstances perhaps I wasn’t asking the right question. Maybe the right question was, “who am I already in a relationship with that I can be transparent with and they will still accept me? Where can I find grace? Not just grace for a moment, but where can I live and be where grace will continue to be available to me?”

More clearly the question isn’t, “should I be transparent?” The question is, “who should I be transparent with?”

This quickly takes you to a new thought which is, am I someone that people feel they can be transparent with? Because if the goal isn’t just to be transparent, but the goal is be someone who accepts transparency, then you will likely find yourself in relationships where everyone you know, including yourself, is being open and honest.

this doesn’t mean that nothing is private

It means that every time you open up, you humbly choose to be the most real version of yourself, no matter how much you share. And it’s true… you might be rejected. However, this will only be the case, until you find someone else that is seeking transparency and has already decided to accept people who are real.

So, if you can remember these three things, you will be a better B-F-F! At the very least you’ll be living more transparently.

1) Be transparent

2) Function without passing judgement

3) Forgive easily

Some people will be looking their whole lives for transparent relationships, for people to share intimacy with. But if we all commit to looking for people who are transparent, then there’s a much better chance we will find each other.

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