lady tribes

i never had an easy time holding onto girlfriends as a kid

My mom always said it was because I was a strong woman and had a strong personality and it wasn’t suited for everyone and could be intimidating. Looking back though I think it was more because I was selfish, all about myself and I wasn’t the nicest person. I wasn’t a good listener or good friend at times, (that’s just me being real).

Don’t get me wrong I was personable and never had a problem making new friends but they were generally boys, not girls. I went through many groups of girlfriends through middle school and high school and never truly understood what I was doing wrong. It was only when I became an adult and a mother that I really got it. As people grow up, they go through things in life that alter them and ultimately that alters their future. They learn how to better themselves.

i never truly understood the importance of girlfriends back then

I was the first of my group of friends to get married and pregnant for that matter. I remember the huge shift in friends that happened when I got engaged and how many fell off the earth all of a sudden when I got pregnant. I remember crying to my husband when I was pregnant that

none of my single friends had checked in on me

none of them wanted to come see me

none of them wanted to see my baby

they just vanished

It was really hard to accept and adjust. I started missing the old days reminiscing about the close relationships we all had, how we were attached at the hip and now basically strangers or so it felt like that. I missed the slumber parties, date nights, beach mornings, movie nights and more. I missed being the first one they called when something exciting happened or something bad. I longed for the inside jokes and secret convos we had. And most of all I missed the laughing until we cried and peed our pants times.

and the stories, oh man the stories so many stories of good times

I wondered if I would ever have that again after the baby was born; if I would ever have those connections with my girlfriends. The episode of “Sex and the City” comes to mind where Carrie comes to visit Miranda and is trying to keep her up to speed on what’s going on and Miranda is trying to breastfeed her newborn son and can barely focus on what Carrie is saying and she completely missed the joke, You guys remember that episode? She gets so frustrated because it was the first time she had realized everything had changed and things were gonna be different now. Her priorities had shifted and she felt like her relationship with her friends was being strained. She was crushed.

Or the episode of “Friends” when Rachel has to move out and Monica is so excited to live with Chandler but at the same time devastated to not live with Rachel anymore. That’s exactly how I felt. My life was going to be all about babies now. I didn’t want motherhood to change me and my relationships with my girlfriends. I didn’t want to lose myself in motherhood. And just like that, God provided, he brought many new friends into my life that were on the same journey. Newly married and new mothers.

i was so grateful

Eventually, my single friends got married and had babies too. We finally caught up to the same life chapters; where I felt like we rekindled our relationship. And even though the day to day chats went from, new love interests to baby love, from bikinis to cover-ups, from drinking cocktails to breastfeeding, from clubs to sleepless nights, I felt like we had finally gotten our grooves back.

As life evolves so do we and the people in our lives. There’s a saying I love,

” some people come into your life for a season and some come into your life for a reason”

It’s always hard to let relationships or friendships go but you have to trust that there is a reason. Even if you don’t know what that is right away, find comfort in that there is a reason and it will be revealed when the time is right. The people I thought would be in my life forever are not and in my thirties, I have been blessed with the most kind-loving and supportive women. Women that are cheering each other on through motherhood , business ventures , and life adventures. Women who are remembering who they are while also being a wife and mother. Women who don’t let their dreams die. We give each other “no judgments zones” and a shoulder to cry on or vent too. I could not be more proud of the close-knit girlfriends I have and consider family. You know who you ladies are and I love you so much!

To the handful of girls who have your back no matter what, who drop everything to let you vent when you’ve had a bad day, or celebrate with you in your victories! To the special women in your life who have seen your ugly cry and still tell you that you’re beautiful. For the FaceTime calls in between picking up kids just to say hello and catch up. Your friendship/momship means so much to me!

Then there are the ones you meet by accident, you know picking up your kid late from school or in the Dr office with your sick kiddo. Or the ones you meet online because you connected over a story or a mutual friend or a mutual interest.

Let’s be honest, our husbands or significant others are amazing but no one understands you better than a woman, bless our men’s hearts for trying, but it just doesn’t replace a girlfriend!

I’ll leave you with this:

Hold onto your girlfriends close, as each year goes by; don’t let it go without telling them how much they mean to you.

Make time for them, schedule girl nights, and slumber parties.

Celebrate with them, cry with them, laugh with them and love them.

Share stories about the good old days

Support them and their choices


Published in featured, life lessons

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