When I graduated college with my bachelor’s in art (I studied Journalism) I thought I would stay in the hustle and bustle of New York City. My anxiety had other plans. It decided after a summer in sunny side Florida that it couldn’t take any more of the cold, dreary and miserable winter that was fast approaching. So after returning to New York again, at the end of August, I thought long and hard if I wanted to come back home.
new york was my dream
In September I tried to reacquaint myself with the city of New York but by October I was over it. I couldn’t find it in myself to leave my house. Everything of the city scared me. The trains, the people, the places. It seemed irrational. New York was my dream but I had already achieved that dream I just hadn’t known it yet.
So why back to the south and not somewhere new? As a recent graduate (free of debt, thank God) I still didn’t have money. I also needed to be surrounded by the people who saw me grow. It really was that simple. Twenty-sixteen and twenty-seventeen were years of mental hardships. It is true what Sun Tzu, Chinese General, Military Strategist said, “no one is a greater enemy than thyself”. I let my anxiety and depression become bigger than me and my dreams. However, I don’t regret that I took some time to myself.
Now that I am back what are my plans for 2018? I want to focus on what makes me happy and here are a few things that I think will do.
consider this my ‘2018 bucket list’
Writing & Photography:
As you can imagine writing is a form of outlet for me and I stopped doing it for a while. I became interested in long naps instead and dwelling in the past. This year I’m saying no more and I’m focusing on strengthening my writing and mastering a new skill, that I am very quickly loving every minute of: photography. As an artist I need a space where I can put my work so I’ll be working on building a website from scratch (I’m not technical-savvy so wish me luck).
Point blank I have bills to pay.
Find a Church Community:
I need to feel less alone and more connected to God. As a Christian I rely on the Holy Spirit to give me peace and understanding. Needless to say, as much as I tried for it not happen, my relationship with God also suffered. I want to read my bible, go to church services and give myself completely over. All my problems, all of my wishes and all of my desires. I want to walk in faith knowing that God will ALWAYS do what’s best for me.
It seems that on a yearly basis traveling makes my list. Aside from traveling back and forth between New York and Florida I haven’t traveled anywhere else. At the end of 2017 I visited my best friend in Tennessee and I loved it. It was so beautiful and it felt so good to travel to another state and see something new. I want to do more of that this year. Even if it’s visiting another county in Florida and making memories along the way.
Here’s to 2018. May it be the best year for you and me.