“When a woman is loved correctly, she becomes ten times the woman she was before”
I have been single since I was seventeen years old; a little by choice, but mostly out of fear. You see, the last man that I was with didn’t treat me the way I deserved: the lies, putting me down, choosing me second to others- that relationship built me up and the end of it broke me down. So, after he dumped me, I said that I was never going to put myself in a position to be hurt like that again. In my mind, amidst a fog of heartache, I thought the best offense was a very cold, uncaring exterior. The attitude of,
“I’m going to get the world before it gets me”
I didn’t know how to be me, the woman I wanted to be while being a part of a relationship. So, I chose to love myself more than I would love another. I know now, looking back, I used this as an excuse. Whether it was self defense, a woman scorned, or frankly, a woman who trusted and loved to be broken, I thought I couldn’t be me and love. In my head, the choice was love myself or give that energy to another, and that very choice destroyed me years ago; but it’s time to stop living in the past. I’m writing this now, a different woman than I was all those years ago and I’ll be strong enough to admit, I was wrong!
loving someone doesn’t take away from you, it adds to it.
Loving a man that is worthy of that respect hasn’t taken away from my identity, but supported it. I love a man that may not have been my ideal partner on paper, but in actions, he’s far my superior. He’s a man of little words, but powerful statements when need be. He doesn’t want my body, but he cherishes my mind. He fights with me at times, but most importantly, he fights for me. He believes in me on the days when I can’t identify a single reason to believe in myself.
He allows me to fall and make mistakes, not because he relishes in that, but because my falling means I was brave enough to take a step. He is my equal in every way and he’s proven me wrong. Loving him has opened up parts of my soul that I chose to stifle and while that kept me safe, it also kept me from growing.
Loving you taught me to be strong.
Loving you taught me how to be brave.
Loving you showed me that mutual love and respect far exceeds lust and fleeting admiration.
I know that I would not have been ready for you years ago, so I know you came into my life when you did because it was only then that I was ready for you. Loving you has proven me wrong. It didn’t have to be you or me. The choice to love you has made me stronger, better, and damn grateful!Published in