There were things around me that could have taken me out. I had one of those near-death experience(s) when I was younger. I could’ve drowned when I was a toddler, in the 70’s.

I had a conversation with my mom about how I do remember a wave taking me under when I was just a toddler. I remember being underwater, opening my eyes to yet another wave as I came up, and I couldn’t breathe. She got her wide-eyed look and said, “You remember that!”

stuck in the current

My mom filled in the gaps of my memory. On an east coast ocean visit, my mother was approached by two younger teen girls that wanted to play and watch me. I guess to them, I was cute. My mom let them. The two girls walked with me for a while. Something else must have got their attention and I went darting for the water. I went in waist deep in no time. Wouldn’t you know it, of course, I got caught as a big wave. Knocking me down, pulling me under, and stuck in the current. My mom isn’t a swimmer; I’m not sure if she could’ve gotten me for her own fears of the water. I asked, “How did I make it?” My mom tells me the story and said, “If it wasn’t for a cop’s wife to pull me out, she didn’t know if I would’ve made it or not.” By the way, to the lady, that pulled me out, even though we’ve never met “THANK YOU!”

It scared me for a while to learn how to swim. A long while. I did learn though, mostly the dog paddle but hey it was something. Being thrown in by a stranger years later at sixteen, not knowing I couldn’t swim, as people sometimes do to joke with each other. My friend nor the stranger came to save me. I was in the middle of the deep end of a public pool. I panicked at first. Kicking, flailing, and angry. All in slow-motion what seemed like more than just 5 minutes underwater, but wasn’t. I wondered why the friend didn’t help me out. Where was the hand that would save me? Then came a thought, “What, why did I have to rely on people?” I released to the struggle, the fear, and what if’s. I quit flailing, I thought, “God take me if you will.” My body just relaxed, and I floated right to the top. Like a supernatural hand just popped me up. I just swam instinctively to the side of the pool. Guess it wasn’t my time. Now there’s a lesson in that altogether. The stranger later apologized not knowing I couldn’t swim. Hands may or may not come to save you.

Regardless of these instances, I still love being by the water. I guess fears have a way of dissipating when you face them. In my late teens, I used to go off by myself walking to a nearby small waterfall and sit for hours. Throughout my teen years. Not thinking, just viewing, listening, and putting my hands or feet in the pools of water. Maybe not swimming, haha, but I’d come back refreshed, clear-minded, and me. Call it meditation or just immersing myself with God alone.

let go

We fight through our life for survival and we learn lessons throughout that survival mode. Sometimes you need to relax and just maybe we can stop being in currents of our own making or someone else’s making. Let go and let God lead. If your time isn’t up, there is still work to be done, lessons to be learned, and fears to get over. God gives you what you need to get through the struggle on your own. This is my lifesaving knowledge that I drown myself in, regardless of what fears try to raise its ugly head. I look up to God, look inward and just release. You can get submerged and feel defeated if you want to. OR You can let go and let God help you emerge, show up, keep raising your levels and feel but face your fears.

Published in memoirs
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