I am a very positive person who strives for a good vibe around me. I like to be inviting and kind. I put out so many vibes about loving yourself and rocking who you are.
Yes, I try my hardest to do this. I take lots of selfies for “insta”. I talk about the healthy way to work out, and how I’ve overcome the struggle of not being able to stop and think about my worth if I wasn’t skinny.
I’ve made it very far from where I once was. I’ve progressed into someone so much happier. I can live my life without being a slave to society’s standards. Some might even call me a social rebel. 😉 Pun intended.
it’s not all that it appears to be though.
To others, I seem to have it all together. I’m the skinny, tall girl with a pretty face. I post so many things about self-love that it almost seems impossible that I could be so insecure.
While, I’m not the 12-year-old, spending hours in my room crying on the floor because I want to eat dinner, but haven’t found my way to the treadmill. That is where I once was, and I am beyond thankful to have progressed away from that terrible consumption of all my time and thoughts.
But, I’m not completely confident. No one is, really.
i am insecure about some of the things that you wouldn’t even think of.
First off, I am simply self-conscious about the way that I blink.
I don’t know why, but my eyes feel very dry a lot of the time, thus causing me to blink differently. I close my eyes tighter when I blink, and it looks funny. It is such an odd thing to worry about, but I always do. It’s been a problem since I was young, and every once in a while somebody notices it and they make fun of it. Yeah, I can take it as a 16-year-old, but it hurt when people I didn’t even talk to as a kid would gossip about it. I wish I could figure it out, and I constantly find myself thinking about my blinking.
Another thing that I’m really insecure about is something that I cannot do anything to change. I am 6 ft tall. And for some reason, that is not okay when you’re a teenage girl. Boys are supposed to grow tall, and you are supposed to be the short girl that they can feel more masculine and powerful standing by.
Well, I say, fuck that.
I am 6 feet tall, almost 16 years old, and I do not give a damn who is shorter than me. I will wear heels, and I will smile at you when you tell me I shouldn’t.
I have a boyfriend that just so happens to be shorter than me. It’s a noticeable difference, and it causes such a commotion among the halls of high school.
-I had a boyfriend who ignored me and only gave me his attention when he was searching for something.
-I had a boyfriend that was a loser. I’ve had all kinds of drama.
But that doesn’t matter, right?
He is sweet to me. He gives me all of his attention. He does not ask for what he knows I am not willing to give. He is not afraid to have feelings.
But God forbid he be shorter than me.
That is just the dumbest thing I have ever heard. And I refuse to follow it.
So there you have it.
I blink funny.
I am far too tall.
I’m still trying to love myself.
And I am human.
I am alive.
I am doing my best.
And I will not be put down or labeled by society and it’s unreasonable standards.