I had a long time of dealing with sharing my voice because I grew up oppressed to think women can’t or shouldn’t talk too much. I WAS SO WRONG! 

Growing as a shy and kind girl in an environment where morals were taught and real. I have seen where morals were also swept under the rug when personal demons of abandonment, fears, not being enough, denial of truth, mental abuse, attempted molestation was the excuse for alcoholism and/or enabling. Not that it was always a terrible childhood, for I learned many lessons throughout this time.

I quickly learned to read people’s intentions, through mind games that were tried on me. The pain and sympathy of watching someone you love and care about heading down a downward spiral. Seemingly not to learn their lessons or even remembering all that really happened was a bit normal for a time for me to see. Most of the time they were just broken people looking for something they haven’t yet found. I learned my own lessons and learned empathy and building up yourself in the most broken times. 

I knew the forgiveness of others was the way, but it was the hardest lessons to learn. Telling the truth, even if it hurts you, is something I had to live with and walk in. For every downward spiral has the potential to come back up again. We are redeemable and valuable. Though the trek may be hard, when you are back on top it makes all the difference in the world to you.

I have and some have now departed this world strong female role models growing up on both sides of my family. Some females were outspoken. Some females were quiet, self-controlled but still made visible paths. I think both types have its place, point, and time. Even at a distance, I can see just how they made an impact on their families. I am thankful for this. I drew great learning from them all.

Our boldness mixed in with our innate human compassion and laser focus on our Lord is what makes a woman that basks in the light of God’s great goodness. We, women, are precious in the sight of God. Out of our mouths come wisdom and yet still kindness. As Proverbs 31:26 says, she opens her mouth with wisdom, and in her tongue is the law of kindness. God will still use our mouths and our kindness to speak to whoever is in their paths on a daily, no matter what genitals they carry. 

Do you think being blessed is because you always do things right? Some of these prophets (prophetess), teachers, disciples, adulterers, murderers, the mother and fathers of nations didn’t do everything right according to what God told them. Some did, some complained but did it, some didn’t, some started to but didn’t, etc. It seemed they interpreted incorrectly, had to gain more understanding, acted out of impatience, greed, or just plain hatefulness. But they got to a point of being down long enough and humbled themselves which is the start of finding the better way for you. 

Sounds like a recurring fact in human history. I count myself as one of these at one point and time in my life. However, God used all their misconceptions, missteps, and impatience. God lifted them to a place of blessings once they surrendered to understand and their wrongs were forgotten. Sweet, right? Don’t forget that all the blessings that happened usually come out of things that don’t often look that good in circumstances, wars, difficulties, struggles, and downright the pits that we put ourselves through. I’m sure they didn’t always feel like that were blessed by God until they just were.

We don’t want to be the villains in stories. Yet we have to embrace our weaknesses and faults to come to a wiser you. I’ve been through my own demons over the years, just because I’m human and had to learn lessons. I fell for people that were not good for me for the guilt of me not being good enough. I’ve had close calls with alcohol and dumb decisions. I didn’t always tell the truth of what I really thought or have done. I did have spite in the hand I was dealt and almost destroyed others. I lost my first husband due to suicide, that haunts me as my fault though I know it’s not.

No matter where circumstances have us, it is not the end. This is a key factor to dealing with anything life throws at us, yet most don’t want to give up control and surrender. We surrender into the flow of acceptance with grace. This is not as a crutch but our strength as if it was one of the universal laws.

Those that came against me with falsities, impure intentions, or attacked me with criticism are no more. Meaning they have no more power of me, forgiven, not around, or have passed on. I learned to laugh at myself without ridicule. The divisions I carried within are now open skies to what is possible. I know that God has definitely brought me this far in my 40 somethings and will bring me the rest of the way continuing to unfold the good works that lay beneath my own spirit.

I remember sharing some of my experiences with a live group of people about suicide and never giving up.  Similar to my story I shared https://societyrebel.com/enduring/ Not a dry eye was in the room. I made mention of not quitting a good direction in life, a good path or goal to attain. I closed my speech by hyping everyone up by saying, “We are going to play a little repeat game until I do the conductors’ stop motion. No matter how you are feeling at this moment, I will not quit the best path for me! ” I continued, “It’s too hard!?” As I put my hand to my ears as the room replied, “I will not quit!” Again I stated, “I’m too poor!” My hand to ear, room, replied, “I will not quit!” I’m too tired, tall, short, fat, skinny, ugly, disabled, etc all with every single mouth telling me back with ALL enthusiasm, “I WILL NOT QUIT!” As I finished my speech by closing both of my hands just like a conductor. Then just to bring the issue home, I said, “Now repeat after me, this is what I WILL quit.” I started, “Using alcohol to hide from my fears and as stress relief  to not make me move in the right direction.” To my surprise, the room did respond, “I will quit!” I said,” Huh, I was thinking no one would dare – good for you guys!” I continued, “Making excuses why you cannot succeed!” The room replied, “I will quit!” Again, I gestured with a light bulb, “Letting others make your choices instead of listening to your own spirit.” I had some of the room think and got a little excited, I will quit!” I stated, “This is a hard one, no one likes to quit this all the time and a lot of people get stumped on….not taking accountability for my actions.” I had some shocked faces, people’s prideful faces. Most of the room did reply, “I will quit!” We added a few other back and forths to lighten the mood and finally did the closing conductor hands. I honestly thought I’d be booed out of the group, to my surprise guess God had a different idea.  

 I received so many heartfelt thanks. Many were thinking of quitting a class, an abusive relationship, going back to their drug dealer. People also shared that they were not taking care of their own responsibilities and stated they would quit that and put what truly mattered up front. I knew that sharing stories like this and many of mine have opened doors that I would never have known existed had I not said anything.

Again, there is NO circumstance that you cannot get through. All you have to do is reach for the help you need. Let’s do better! I am a great listener and look forward to anyone that wants to reach out to become a better you. No matter what you think about yourself know this: You are a valuable existence in this world! 

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