A fool; An irreconcilable idiot she was. To believe that one can find love when one doesn’t love one’s self. She did it again. Fell into the trap that is man. The first one was easy to see after fists rained down on her. Claiming love when all that existed was passion, albeit the fiery kind that consumes you and makes you wish the other was dead. But passion nonetheless. It can be mistaken for love more often than not..The first one could’ve been avoided had she not flourished on the delightful zing of pain. She saw it coming, it was a perfect snare of sharp teeth and raw meat; the kind of trap you know will lead to the ignorant beast that’s been stealing your honey all season. She didn’t fight it. She allowed the springs to latch on; rip and tear at delicate flesh until the need to chew the limb off seemed welcoming. The fall from a barren landscape was exhilarating, it was exactly the type of wake up call every teenage girl needs. That life is short, precious and should never be wasted on anything less than raw, loving devotion. 

But the second time? That was 100% on him. He ensnared her in his sculpted arms and encased the coal he said he wanted. He took precarious caution and nurtured broken wings until they blossomed, forming an intricate diamond. Just when the bird was ready to leave the nest, he claimed it as his own. Taking piece by piece, puzzling the bits together- he created a masterful disguise of what once was misshapen. And as the story goes, he crushed the beautiful butterfly. It wasn’t sudden or forceful, rather tedious and meticulous. He watched her float from the edges of the jar. Her wondering when she would be let free; him knowing that the moment the lid was released he would crush her back to earth; grind her back to nothing. His trap was just as alluring, just as dangerous as the first- if not more as she couldn’t see it coming. The hand that fed her blissful lies transformed into the fist once again claiming all restful nights. Filling her head with disastrous dream and torturous lust, there was nothing left to do but turn it all off. 

She was a fool for believing in love, an even larger one for thinking after the first time around that anything good was in store for her. The only thing left for her in the future was heart-wrenching pain and regret. Lessons from less ones; Misery and suffering. He said they were once in a lifetime and my was he right. She promised herself for the second time in  life that she would never open her heart, her life or  dreams to another individual; no matter how alluring love may seem. Wings beating effortless anguish, she was fractions of what she once was. An unbreakable shell of distaste and fear for what the world once held dear, no longer did she feel. A cold, bitter being took all her might. Never again. Never again. No soul would enjoy her carefree spirit, no, they took that too. A fallen angel cast into shadow was all she would be to the world that gripped her Almighty power like glue, holding it steadfast in a vacant stare. The majestic being was finally bare and ready to break free from the chains that enslaved mankind; that love is the most beautiful treasure that one can find. 

Published in I'm not sure., life lessons, memoirs, poems, sex & love

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