About a year and half ago I decided to take the plunge and present myself to the world through online dating. It took a lot for me to to finally give in, and mind you it was for good reason. I had known people who had given it a shot and had some very interesting experiences to say the least. I also had heard countless horror stories and honestly I think I was afraid of what others would think of me. Would I be that girl? Is there something wrong with me if I have to resort to being judged through the online fishbowl?
thankfully, i finally got over myself
I wanted to find an avenue to get back out there, and I heard that it was becoming more and more common to meet people by way of the internet. Plus, I started to hear from others that they knew people who met their current significant other through a dating website. So I did it. Created that clever screen name, which is so important, and set up my profile. I was kind of excited. Would this be it? Could I possibly meet the love of my life?
So thus it started. I got my first message and I couldn’t wait to reply. From there I went on my first date and it actually was a lot of fun. Nothing ended up coming out that particular meet up, but it felt good to be back out there. As the months passed I continued to go on several dates and with those dates also came an equal amount of some of the most ridiculous messages.
Now some of these messages have given me a good laugh, while others were just weird, and some just plain crass, but after a while I started to notice a trend. After hearing over and over again “you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen,” or “I promise I am not like other guys,” it started to get old and really hard to take these men seriously.
i just wanted someone to take the time to talk to me instead of feeding me a line
I started to think, does this really work for them? Then instantly I was convicted. How many times in my life had I been a person of “words” instead of “actions?” Sadly, I think more times than I care to admit. I am guilty of saying I love you and not acting in love. I am guilty of not following through when I told a friend I would. I am also incredibly guilty of telling another person who I am without actually giving them a chance to get to know me because I wanted to appear a certain way. Or better yet, instead of talking about myself, going out of my way to learn about the other person.
Unfortunately, you cannot go back in life and change what you have done,
but this is what i have come to realize about being a person of action instead of just words
1.) being a person of action establishes real trust
Most of the time people really don’t care about what you say, but rather what you do. If you really want to get to know a person be active in their life. You can do this by giving them your time, resources, and full attention. Over time you will establish trust and develop a bond.
2.) take the time to be interested instead of interesting
I know for a fact that this is something I have been guilty of at points throughout my life. I hungered for others to think that I was worthwhile, fun, witty, and genuine, that I would talk myself up. I did this by sharing what I was doing in my life, what I had done, and dare I say that a couple times in my life I made the statement, “I am not like other girls.” I cringe now just thinking about it. If we are truly being honest, at the end of the day no one, I repeat no one, cares about what is important to you, what you have done, and what you think. I know that sounds harsh, but it is human nature. Not that it isn’t something that you can change, however, the trick is being aware of it. With that said, the key to truly becoming a part of someone’s world is to show interest in who they are. Think about it. Don’t you instantly feel special when someone starts to ask questions about what you do, think, and what interests you? It’s just apart of who we are. We want to be seen and to truly be seen you have to be just as interested in the other person as you are in yourself.Published in