Most of you are probably thinking , she’s thanking her exes for the pain and grief they caused? What? Well, YES!

That’s exactly what I’m doing. You see in my twenties I dated many guys in search of my “Mr. Right.” I went through many frogs before I found my prince, but on my journey I figured out something kind of amazing. I never really knew what I was looking for until I found what I was NOT looking for.

I am a girl that NEEDS to learn the hard way and learn the hard way I did! There were many things I thought I wanted that once I had them I realized , the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. As I dated, and as I figured out that the current one I was dating was not the one, I made a choice. I chose to take each of these dating experiences and a turn it into a learning experience, which brings me back to thanking my exes.

I would like to thank my past relationships for teaching me how to know what I wanted for my future.

So here we go..

thank you to the “rich guy “

for teaching me that money isn’t the most important thing. Sure the gifts are nice and the trips are fabulous but without having true happiness it’s nothing. Money doesn’t fill the void of true happiness, money doesn’t buy love.

thank you to the “artist”

who taught me about freedom of self expression. Who taught me to be myself completely and make no excuse for it.

thank you to the “family man”

who made me realize that I wanted a family to be part of my future. As a kid growing up I swore I would never have children or get married for that matter. The family man made me realize that I did want a family, just not with him.

thank you to the “cheater”

for hurting me and showing me what it feels like to be hurt so that I never hurt anyone like that. Thank you for giving me an escape out and thank you for your honesty about it, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that you made a conscious choice to hurt me, please be more kind to the next girl you date.

thank you to the “abuser”

for teaching me about boundaries, self love, and self respect. Thank you for teaching me that I am not a victim and my past isn’t an excuse for my mistakes, and it doesn’t define who I am or my future.

thank you to the “controlling man”

for making me realize that I am a strong independent woman and I want a man who supports me and encourages me. When a guy tells you what to wear , how to look, and what you can and can’t do, that is controlling ladies. It is not someone trying to be protective of you or someone that loves you.

thank you to the “bad boy”

for showing me a sense of adventure and imagination. It may not have been in the best or safest way but it was an eye opening experience of how the world turns on the other side.

thank you to the “liar”

who made me realize how important honesty is no matter how hard it seems to be at the time. Being lied to by someone, right to your face, is really a gut wrenching feeling. Especially when you know it’s a complete lie. The truth will set you free.

to my exes, i don’t hate you all,

in fact I’m eternally grateful for each of you for giving me something I couldn’t give myself. The pain you gave me was brief and what I got in return was far greater.

Ladies appreciate the struggles you have , thank the people who’ve wronged you, and turn every life experience into a positive! Plus, it’s much harder on ourselves to hate them then it is on them. As women, I know for myself and women I know, we tend to fixate on things. So during a “breakup” we consume ourselves with everything about that break up. We live in it , we talk about it 24/7, we can’t believe they did that to us and how dare they hurt us.

You can’t be friends with them , you can’t be friends with their friends, you can’t go anywhere where they are so you hide out and ignore everyone. Sounds familiar right? Think about all that time and energy that is wasted, literally wasted, dwelling on someone who most likely isn’t dwelling on you.

Why can’t we just look at it for what it was…an experience, and take away from it what good we can? Every relationship has its good and bad , nothing’s perfect. If something doesn’t work be thankful you realized it didn’t work before it went any further like marriage or kids. In all of my bad experiences in life I am always telling myself ” it could have be worse” That is the truth!

I want everyone to realize that everything that happens to us good and bad happens for a reason, and that there are many positive things that can be taken away from a negative experience. So yes, while breaking up sucks, does it suck more than being stuck with someone you don’t actually like? Or being stuck in a relationship for years because you feared the actual “break up”?

life is too short to dwell on the negative

I challenge you to be intentional for the next couple of days and if you experience something negative ask yourself ” what can I learn from this” and see how much better you feel after turning the tables.

Had I never been hurt, broken down, disrespected, used, mistreated, controlled and abused, I never would have found my self respect, my boundaries, my love for myself, my freedom. I took all the pain and hurt and transformed it into knowledge and love so that when I came face to face with my ONE I would recognize him immediately.

i found someone who was my equal, truly my best friend, he supports me 100 percent

and loves me even when I don’t love myself. He is my rock and he makes me want to be a better person for myself and for him. He is the kind of daddy I never had, to our kids, and he is the best role model to teach our daughter how women should be treated, and to teach our son how to treat a lady, and how to be a good man.

He drives me crazy and makes me laugh so hard I almost pee my pants. We don’t always see eye to eye but we agree to disagree and move on. We love what makes us unique and different, if we always thought exactly alike there wouldn’t be any room for challenges and growth.

We are complete opposites in many areas, which is why I feel we balance each other out so well. He keeps me grounded and I keep his imagination alive, encourage him to push himself, reach for the stars and dream big.

In any relationship, friend, lover, family, or parent, we need to learn to accept one another for what makes us unique. Highlight our differences instead of trying to change them. Love people completely for who they are and realize that no one is perfect, their faults are what make them who they are so embrace it all.

Published in sex & love
8 Comments
  1. TK Dennis 2 years ago

    You killed it here Courtney. Great post!

  2. Author
    Courtney Sanford 2 years ago

    ???? Thank you!!! That means the world to me!

  3. Michele Sanford 2 years ago

    That was beautiful Courtney ❤ Love you.

  4. Karina Gomez 2 years ago

    Great post lady!!!!! 🙂 🙂

  5. Anonymous 2 years ago

    Thank you mama!! You raise as good one, thank you! ????????love you too!

    Thank you Karina!

  6. Kristin Dennis 2 years ago

    Love and relate to this post so much Courtney!!!

  7. Davene Teeter 2 years ago

    Love this! I also can relate so much!

  8. […] the wrong job, made a less-than-ideal financial decision, or started a relationship with someone who wasn’t right for us, but what if we totally accepted those choices anyway? By not pinning our decisions, […]

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