a beautiful duo of lyrics and sound that causes a chain reaction of shakin’ your groove thang or singing in the shower as though you were at a concert.

Music is a magical elixir that cures bad days and broken hearts. Music even strikes up conversation amongst strangers. A few weeks ago as I was purchasing a couple of body sprays from Bath and Body Works, the cashier noticed my Twenty One Pilots wallet and before you know it, we were chatting about their music, the concerts we had been to and even how their music is quite inspirational. Music does indeed connect us all.

the connection of music

In fact, this blog is a collaboration with one of my amazing friends who I met on Twitter through a music group chat. My sister from another mister, Brandi!! She is an amazing human with a golden heart. Last summer I was invited into the “Strife Magazine Group Chat” where myself and other music lovers would like and share Strife’s articles. The GC was created so that we could all introduce ourselves, get to know each other and before you knew it discussions about all kinds of bands and genres were setting off. That GC is where I first met my bday twin, the gif queen, Jen and then I met the one and only Jamie, who is studying to become a nurse, fabulous!! Through these two kind humans is where I met “CD” aka Jeff, who is hilarious with the dad jokes and the forever Awesome Brandi!! I think Brandi and I pretty much chat every day. We all live in different states yet it feels like we all live just down the street from one another and all of this came about through the connection of music.

At a young age, I learned how music was more than just lyrics and sounds. As a youngster, my Dad introduced me to all of his favorite bands such as The Rolling Stones, Aerosmith, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, Led Zepplin and many others. From there I started developing my own list of my favorites from Blink 182, Green Day, No Doubt, Eminem, Snoop Dog, Good Charlotte and others. For me, music was like a magician, some days I just rocked out like a girl who just wanted to have fun and other days I needed the instruments to soothe my tears while the lyrics mended my young heart. Some may think that I am insane when I say that music is the next best thing to actual therapy.

There are songs that I jam out to in the car with my best friend and then there are songs that numb the thoughts that spin through my mind at two in the morning as I’m starring up at the popcorn ceiling. A quick, “Hey Google, play my 5 minutes playlist” and Tyler Joseph begins to inspire as I begin to write, or, Eminem begins to rap as I pull out all of the ingredients I need to cook up a delicious spaghetti dinner (with garlic bread of course).

music saved my life; while writing has kept my life saved

I have written in a previous blog of mine explaining that I was bullied as a kid and teen due to the rare disorder I was born with. Being called names and laughed at on a daily basis starts to get under your skin after a while. One can only ignore hurtful comments and glares for so long before the day comes when everything you’ve buried six feet under over the years explodes from under the earth.

I found myself in a place of pitch black darkness and stared teary-eyed at a reflection I no longer loved, one I began to not even recognize. Days were spent simply getting through the day while trying not to cry in the bathroom or in my Spanish teacher’s class were I ate lunch every day. Nights were filled with silent tears and even a good silent scream every now and again. Silence was key so that my family wouldn’t hear me, for I kept all of the negativity of school to myself. A burden I felt I had to bare alone. Soon those sleepless nights of muted tears had morphed into nights pondering what it would be like to die. Thoughts of how I could kill myself, thoughts of all of my pain disappearing with one quick, deep swipe of a knife to my throat. Nights filled with thoughts that no sixteen-year-old should be thinking, thoughts no human of any age should be thinking.

When I was seventeen, I did attempt to make all of the pain that resided in my mind disappear. A moment of being home alone presented itself and I, unfortunately, took advantage. This wasn’t a moment of having guts, this wasn’t a moment of actually wanting to die, this was a moment of wanting all of the pain to just stop. It is quite a nerve-wracking feeling when you find yourself shakingly holding a knife to your throat. It is a frightening feeling as just a few drops of blood trickle down your neck and it’s the most terrifying feeling when you hear the garage door going up signaling that your family is back from the movies. Then hits the frenzy state where you pick up the knife you dropped, wash it off, run to the bathroom to tend to your neck and wipe the tears away. Ridding yourself of all evidence that’s attached to that doomed afternoon.

music to numb the pain

That night I didn’t know what my next move was going to be, all I knew was that I never wanted to end up repeating that “scary as shit” moment again. As I got ready for bed, I placed a new cd I had bought into my Discman and sat on the floor beside my bed as it played. Fall Out Boy’s “Evening out with Your Girlfriend” was the album; “Pretty in Punk” was the song. The curing combination of Patrick Stump’s soulful voice, Pete Wentz’s screamo back vocals, and Andy’s insane drumming skills began to aid in the healing of my damaged teenaged mind. Where I lacked the ability to stand up to the bullies and say my piece, music chimed in. From music becoming the foundation of my sanctuary, writing became the light that made it glow.

To this day music aids in the coping with my anxiety.
It inspires blocked thoughts to release themselves out from my mind and onto my laptop screen..and it connected me to some amazing human beings. Don’t forget to head on over to Brandi Myers page and check out the amazing blog she wrote. She is such an amazing writer, go show her blog some love 🖤🖤🖤

music: a beautiful duo of lyrics and sounds that cause a chain reaction like no other…

Here is a small playlist curated with a few of my go-to’s that have gotten and still get me through…

Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls
I Miss You by Blink 182
Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day
Space Bound by Eminem
Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down
The Pros and Cons of Breathing by Fall Out Boy
Believer by Imagine Dragons
This is Gospel by Panic! at the Disco
Screen by Twenty One Pilots
At My Best by Machine Gun Kelly
Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea by Fall Out Boy
Tragic Endings by Eminem
Home by Blink 182
Fairly Local by Twenty One Pilots
Church by Fall Out Boy
Bishop’s Knife Trick by Fall Out Boy….
HeavyDirtySoul by Twenty One Pilots
and pretty much everything by Pink

Check out the parallel post written by Derra’s friend Brandi

Published in memoirs

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